ok so it's like this: i've hit a sort of a speedbump in the attempt or the want to learn more of the basic html. its laziness. its too much turning in late and waking up with half the day behind me. i will not do it anymore dammit.
ok i'm not an insomniac because i'm really not that interesting or bright. i feel anxious about something though. captain kirk of the starship enterprise just said something to me about finding a needle in the haystack being like child's play. i wonder what this quest's mission will be. i hate my teevee. it's so small. no, i don't hate it either. i just want things i can't have or don't deserve.
so speaking of the boys. god, i can't believe this is really what i want to "journal" about right now. of all the things in the world to be pounding away at the keys and racking my brains over. echk. boys.. no. i refuse to succumb to it.
TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE!!:i was recently fortunate enough to be shown, for the first time, Forbidden Planet. several weeks prior to this viewing i met one of the two main composers for the film's score. that's right, for any one of you out there ((not many.. or my imagined audience)) familiar with sci-fi and/or classic stuff like this you know of whom i speak. the one and only BeBe Barron. such a sweet and beautiful little woman. you know i actually sat there behind this signing booth ((because i was actually in attendance of a signing at a burbank bookstore)) and watched her face go into utter shock and dismay at being told how much the cd soundtracks were going to be selling for. she thought it was too much. she was being humble not for the sake of being humble but because she really didn't think anyone should be spending that much for this stuff. it was great to watch and to eavesdrop as she tried to talk the price down of her own work.
anyhow i don't really know her all too well but i think she's lovely and dear and hope to hear and see more of her in future. the whole purpose of this was NOT to name drop but to talk about this film that i had never had the pleasure or the patience to watch. yes, Forbidden Planet. Starring Walter Pidgeon, Ann Francis, Leslie Nielsen and more.
for those of you who don't know or just aren't familiar, its a really great story about the disorder and danger anyone can bring to even the most ideal and admirable of life and living situations. i know. sounds vague doesn't it? that's the best i can do right now though. i'm still trying desperately to drive toward my point.. but i really feel like i've forgotten it. i think i may have brought it up for two reasons. one, i'm sure, was to put aside my petty circular damaging thoughts about boys and summer and flings. because there really ARE more important things. the second reason was, i think, because i wanted to get it across that i actually freakin shed tears over it! it's only then that i realized just how much of a genuine and true sap I am. who's ever heard of sci-fi inspiring tears?! honest-to-goodness.
but i am pulled. i am pulled by a conversation i recently had with a friend. i remember how this ties into the movie, and boys and all of it. we talked for a time about each other and what we're looking for and what we tend to find. when we were ready to make an end of the conversation he said, "ok before you go, tell me a story. give me a thought" and i couldn't do it. i was put on the spot and i froze.. which really isn't unusual for me. i'm just not brilliant like that. so after a few seconds and minutes of stalling on both our parts he said, "you have to find something in life that makes you go, Wow. find someone, find something that is that Wow..."
i like that. i like the idea that we should all try to be as exceptional as the things that we find beautiful or full, exciting, moving... that takes a kind of love.. the kind that quells and allows the two sides of one soul to live in peace..
whoa. sorry.. i had to get that down. that last was actually a bit of dialogue from the movie that's on tnt right now. a movie featuring drew barrymore in her dark hair dark lipstick heavy cross wearing period. i don't know what its called coz i think maybe its actually over and i don't know if i'm going to be able to catch it again on the rolling teevee guide. it has to do with drew's sensual murderous doppelganger. or something. yea, real goth.
i'm so tired. but i can't rest. and the thing that is such a stick in my side is that i don't even do anything that gives me just cause to be this tired or bored or....awful
oh ok.. i just caught it --the title-- and i guess it is called "doppelganger".
i hate to end this entry on such an unimportant, unsweeping note. i mean i felt like i was really at the apex (apex?) of that wave.. that great little built-up wave of something. and instead i'm ending on this crappy crappy crappiness. hungry too. i've been snacking all day. grazing, but not in the good way --not on the healthy and the right things. to borrow a phrase from a friend.. "i am a slob".
--warm and warm and warm all over-- IN THE NEXT ISSUE [really]:: boys and how they make me, from a distance, just plain crazy.
3:01 a.m. - 2003-07-29
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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