i'll be brief here since i am making this entry at someone elses home and should really just get over it and wait until i can afford to overanalyze and/or spill all.
tonight i beaned the innocent and unsuspecting ben in the forehead with trivial pursuit dice. and really, not to be punny but the whole thing should just have been chalked up to the more trivial indeed. i mean. i was an ass. it was my fault. ben had every reason to be angry.
so then why the hell was there a situation? i'll tell you why.. I'M AN OVER-ACTING ASSHOLE. yea, as ben would say i'm a "drama queen". i was unreasonable because when i DID try to apologize he said, "don't touch me"... which made me feel worse.
ok, so ben.. if you're reading this. i'm publicly saying sorry. i'm also admitting that to my way of thinking (fraught with wrongness as it may be) that you are one of those people whom i would like to be more openly affectionate with. the osci are also on that list, as well as one of my closest guy friends, dominic. one of those people that i can't be that affectionate with because it would just be misconstrued. as close as i am or pretend to be i can't lean on any of you the way i would like because someone might see... someone out there just might get the wrong idea. someone might say, "oh my god look at that pathetic ugly man-girl who is shamelessly throwing herself all over her friend who is obviously disgusted and squirming to get free".
whoa. i know, you're thinking.. what the hell kind of tanget is this? well, i'll tell you. in order to compensate ((or over-compensate)) i am much more standoffish and tactile in the only way that would seem acceptable.... by hitting and punching and pinching and generally inflicting all manner of physical pain and, on occassion, the standard humiliation treatment.
its times like these that i would just like to disappear back of locked doors and boarded over windows.
2:55 a.m. - 2003-08-21
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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