Your Heart is Black
What Color is Your Heart?
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so i've been sitting here for the past i don't know how long.. taking quizzes and saving the results so i'll have something visual to showcase in future entries. anyway possible future entries. i feel very still and sore and just now there happened to be a flash flood warning for san diego county or something. flash flood?! ummm.. no.. it's so sunny out. what's going on? oh.. mount laguna and east of julian. this is so strange.. wow. flash food warning until four pm today!
i get it. the east coast gets a blackout and we get flooding. makes sense.
and now to return to your regularly scheduled squawking..........
so i don't really know what to do with this quiz prompt that i've given myself. its a fact that's all. bleh. facts. i suppose i put this up because it somehow justifies my choice in color scheme and that like. and honestly i didn't even try or cheat or anything. this is it. i got it on the first go.
i daresay that it does explain a lot. well ok, maybe not a lot so much as one thing that overtakes me with its largeness.. wha--? i don't know. and as difficult as it is to believe i'm really not just stalling or trying like the dickens to consume space here.
black. a black sick heart. a heart of black. a black hole for a heart. people are always telling me that i possess either a black heart or a heart of frozen rock. i don't always necessarily feel this is so. but then it would stand to reason, would it not? it would support the need to please others.. the desperation to win them over.. the suspicion and the fear of being suspected or rejected therefore i've got to do the hurting before i'm hurt OR i've got to do the leaving or i've got to be the indifferent one. the one who'll pretend something she really wants/desires is not so high on the list. yea. it's all in an effort to cover over the empty black hole abyss
and anyway why should it continue to be that.. to continue to be that black is so associated with sickness or negativity? i mean how can it, really? black contains all. contains all color. traps all light. there have been dark blues and reds that have had a darkness in them. darkness and blackness means depth; means abysmal (abysmal?).... what--? sleep?
i don't know i don't know.. black heartedness. feh.
this has nothing of what it should. i am empty and this IS a madhouse.
long live the black hearted, the friendless, faithless, faulty multitude.
1:33 p.m. - 2003-08-26
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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