i've been watching t.v. i mean i've been watching a lot of t.v. i don't even remember what programs or movies and on what days. i feel like i should be taking a running start but i keep dawddling and stretching and watching. i feel myself in my out-of-shape state. bleh.
most of yesterday i watched t.v. in the living room and then again this evening more of the old channel flipping and not really being able to commit to any particular storyline. just shifting. slipping into mild concern for the blond kid with the black leather wrist-band on The O.C. who's inlove with one girl but tempted by another. yea. he just should've had a little more self control. because i really don't buy into that whole, "but then she pushed me onto the bed and i was on my back and next thing i know she was on top of me".. uh yea. what, are you some sort of turtle that you can't turn over? whatever.
then there was cheetah girls on disney. lot's of lip-glossed tearless crying and pop-divas-in-the-making type of severity. lot's of animal prints and dance routines. yea then i just sort of drifted off into some other show somewhere and by the time i came back the cheetah girls had had their day under the colored filters and flashbulbs because they were rolling credits.
so then i thought i might break up the evening a little with some reading. i used to read quite a lot. i used to read aloud, too, to practice my voice and reading aloud in general. i'm still sort of working on the last parts to Mason's The Four Feathers and so of course i simply must break out the british accent.. or anyway the one i think i have for reading these kinds of pieces. i'm really rusty. another thing that i'm rusty at to add to the rusty list. it goes..i am rusty at the following:
__driving buses
__singing (out and on key)
__writing
__accents
__being public in public
__being able to have any kind of an appetite around people whom i find attractive. [dammit dammit damn]
bleh. i am rusty. yes, and you'll hear it in the creak of my knee-joints and the stutter in my speech.
also, the obsessive compulsive thought processes rage on anew. i am like a furnace, i shimmer with sweat from the nerves. i am like a criminal, back to bask in the crime. *sigh*.. why is it that i don't feel at all like i can hang on to anything anymore? i feel like the rock giant in the neverending story [the first one. the only one] bemoaning the strength that no longer rests capable in his hands. *sigh* *weep* *burst* --me.
1:11 a.m. - 2003-09-16
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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