i have no pride. i have no pride and no self and no sense.
lately, [r] and i have had encounters, nights of crime fighting.. but entwined with these brief segments of sleep. tonight we were asleep on the one sofa, then asleep on separate sofas then in between sleep in bed. its odd really, i feel it is so. last night last night also i was really trying to hang on but it was difficult after having had a full day then guiness and doubt and inner turmoil after that extremely light salad dinner and not a lot of water.
so that's odd. its something, sure.
tonight dinner at a diner in town. had me the count of monte christo. oh gorgeous gorgeousity.. nothing like a deep frieds sam'ich, folks. nothin. really really bad bad food. i can feel myself everywhere, now. the food looked nice when it came, the lighting was great, the glasses for drinking were great.. it was a totally groovy experience.
highlight of the night:
our server saw fit to give the gift of a compliment that knocked me out. really. and let me just say.. it was a small moment but unforgettable to me now.
[scene: our attractive young server is clearing the plates, i've taken the trouble to stack, from our table. [r] is standing, walking toward the bathroom but still within earshot (though he didn't hear the exchange or wasn't paying attention)]:
me: (while she comes to clear quickly away) thank you...--what?
she: you're welcome...
THEN, AS SHE IS BACKING AWAY FROM TABLE
"you know, you've got the prettiest smile.. i just thought you should know.."
[him, stretched out on the sofa across the room and me half-stretched on the other. he holds his arms out at me]there it is. cooing and cuddling made open and available to me. i'm so cheese riddled. i'm so boring. this is where i'm at. well.. that and the fact that after ridding this side of the county of crime i had two somewhat uneasy hypnagogic images darken my close-lidded eyes. too creepy to write about now though.. ~zero four twenty and miss judy garland flits then plants herself firmly in my mind and on the screen in The Clock.
him: come here please..
me: why
him: because.. please... come here..?
me: WHY?
him: because.. i like to hold you.
03:34 - Sunday, May. 02, 2004
Recent entries:
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anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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