i've got some really wonderful friends.
i'm going to try and work more.
i have no time to write.
i have no time to love.
i am an asshat of enormous proportions.
there are so many rules in love and in friendship and at work and-- there are words and there are feelings and there people you can't take back.
and there are rocks and there are hard places.
i'm being cryptic because i need to make some changes. have a talk with myself. fix the unfixable. re-evaluate. did i make the wrong choice? was there a choice? do i have regrets? do i feel crippled?
this is what it is. this is what it has to be. i made a choice to travel over this road and not the other and there is no backing away. i must see it through to the end. i can no more walk out of a bad movie or a mediocre play simply because it displeases me. i have to stay on. i am compelled by something that lacks true form.
i wish to talk honestly about these things that invade my thought.
tonight i was asked, "why doesn't she believe that i'm a virgin?" and i thought because i don't believe it of you? if you're selling something then you're selling something or you're a tease. if not then wait in the corners like the rest of us.
i am too rough.
i am too rough and tumble.
this is dumb. i am worthless. how will i be punished for all the wrong i've done? for all the time i wasted trying to make up my mind?
still.. i am on..
00:36 - Friday, May. 14, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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