[UPDATE:] here, we are we; here we are, we where we are. here, insert "say g'night and walk off".... and resolve not only gets the stains out of your carpet, it releases your soul. no, really.
dear diary,
so i think i've completely just ended a good friendship with ben.. and now i don't know what to do. that is to say, i don't know what to do about it. i know that i don't want it to be true.. but at the same time i don't want to take back those things that i said in the email. my responses to his issues.. to the things that he brings up.signed.
i don't know what to do. and no one is saying anything to me. i can't talk to him.. i can't talk to anyone that knows him or is friends with him. i can't face him. i can't face anyone we know mutually (prob'ly with the exception of toni and that's even a little difficult) i want to be able to fix things. i want to be able to have it out face to face, as he suggests. but i'm a coward. i'm a coward because i'm going to take one look at him and see how angry he is or disappointed or--
and its too much.
because, my god! who in their right mind, who is looking to be forgiven, says hurtful things like that?! what person who is begging to be forgiven hurls the kind of pain and fury that will require a second, more magnanimous forgiveness..???!! who does that??!?!?!?!?!!!! what stupid stupid fool does this kind of thing?
i guess, i do.
oh *sigh* i really really wish i could undo it. the whole thing is just.... miserable and i know that even if i have a hope in the world that it'll take years to get back on track with him.. if ever. and then it'll just be completely diff'rent.
this is undo-able. and i have done it.. i have really done it. and i more sorry than i ever knew how to be for it all.
00:34 - Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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