people you think you love and you think you know and you think you trust can turn on you. people close to you can turn on you. people will always turn on you. that is the way of it. i have to come to terms with that. i have to come to terms with the fact that he will not understand where it all comes from or even why it comes, but it does. these are the episodes.
we are all monsters and we are all pathetic. we are all victims and its everyone's fault because its nobody's. my ears hurt, my head aches or it did once and for so sustained a time today. you draw to you the thing that you fear most. yes.
i will never be able to be rid of the memory of the image, his face then. eyes on fire, words too difficult to hear. and me, i want options when there are none. i want ends. i want something different than this heartache on replay.
don't ask me to explain, i won't. tonight was a night i want to forget.
but wish me more than luck anyway--
to be continued...
02:47 - Sunday, Nov. 14, 2004
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