i've been looking for something to bring me back here.
i've been searching myself out to find the line or hear the music or become excited again to live or relive.. tussle with the madness in the dark.
i keep thinking in terms of all-or-nothing. or worse, i keep thinking i'll never really be back--always finding a reason to be away and letting my thoughts tangle up into my hair. nothing being good enough, you see, to be set down but slop and rot.
and this whole thing isn't really all that big a deal. on the surface, this is just another of many outlets after all.
its just another wound, of no more consequence than all the others.
and the wounds shouldn't really be me. or anyway my constant ruminating on whatever scars may be, however small or surface, should not be all there is.
all and only and ruins.
but what am i talking about anyway.
i should just snap out of it already.
we'll all be better off.
what am i doing. what am i thinking.
i'm more than mere complaints!
what about recording something external, something that really matters!
my plan still stands, start again.
00:17 - Saturday, Sept. 17, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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