without meaning to, something keeps repeating in my mind. such a small thing keeps repeating. i think i may have heard strange noises passing between the new tenants below.
so what.
i know these walls (nor any other ones of worth) are not perfect guarantees of quiet separation.
but its undeniable that hearing those sounds that were voices that were almost songs has turned my attention to it. them. the pair. the looks of a man. the curls on the womans head.
it was not but two weeks ago now that i looked the new neighbor in the eyes.
and it was not that they looked like sex eyes.. but sitting here now, remembering those eyes and hearing that kind of breathing, all i can see now is the sex. the sex drains the color from his eyes.
he is changed.
i can't see in him what i saw in him.
how am i to befriend this man who makes those sounds or who listens to people who make those songs which are sounds which are noises of a satisfied flesh.
i'm thinking, now, about attempting the erotic fiction slash poetry project i thought i might begin lo those four odd years ago. not for the sake of writing/fantisizing/meditating on sex or the act of it or any part of it...
i only want to keep trying in the direction of my discomfort, truly, my fears and disquiet and my demons there. is this wrong?
ah well, when next i post i will try to come to the page with something worthy enough to be read by you.
true.. there are hundreds upon thousands in search of the same guidance--the same desires to touch the very tips of enlightenment and grace through--? through--? the traps of physicality.
but for now, it is late upon the hour, and i must retire--begging your pardon and patience.
00:34 - Tuesday, May. 10, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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