it's late in the afternoon, it's pre-dusk and quiet all over. the wash is drying downstairs and if i squint i can imagine myself tumbling along inside that heated dark.
one of the neighbors has returned from a day, working somewhere in town. he might be a construction worker but he seems almost too small for the type of work that requires a hefty frame. but he is a working man, no doubt. his wife, or the woman whom i believe is his wife, smiles at me when i see her from time to time. when she smiles like that it makes me think she has a sister somewhere in the world that she misses very much. they have a small child, a boy, at least i believe that boy is theirs.. together. they keep to themselves and i hardly hear a peep out of them ever. they have one car, a light sort of pick-up truck that he drives. i've never seen the young woman-mother-wife leave the complex for any period of time. in truth i've seen her a total of three times--twice with her son and once, just now, without.
she's brown, like me, smiles and ducks her head in shy deference, like me. but unlike me she is small and flat where i am inflated. she walks slowly, easily while i skirt by--desperate not to call attention, longing at times to really be invisible.
the quiet is never really stillness, you know, and thats what i enjoy--the movement is slow, its agony, its a waiting quiet.
inside this torment of gathering quiet i can remember; i can let my mind travel, quake, fizzle. i can remember everything so well and from so far away.
the sensation of warmth, weight and heat overtakes me in my solitude. i let myself lean away from myself onto--?
i am untethered ..but i shall have to revisit this place again and soon.
16:23 - Thursday, Nov. 03, 2005
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