i'll have to make a note to remember to look for this movie to add to my collection.
the movie thats come up after the aforementioned classic is called (i think) A Name for Evil and is kind of intriguing. but i have to finish what i've started here in this entry which really won't be much and mostly only done to keep this site/page/address up-to-date--as i've neglected it so long.
earlier tonight i went for a short drive to the store for some nasal spray (i'm sneezing a lot and kind of congested), to get fuel for the car and then to the 7eleven for their hot chocolate (some chains offer ghirardelli hot chocolate).
i can't taste much of anything and so this makes most things unappealing. and, as expected then, this makes the ghirardelli thing kind of a moot point.. but i can't seem to help myself.
so i was on this briefest of quests, driving along and thinking about nothing in particular or thinking about the streets i wanted to try using that i hadn't been down in however long. i was thinking about the people i know or have known. the people that i've met that have stayed in my life as friends, either because i've wanted them to or because they chose to hang on a bit longer, and the people that came and went.
i never thought of myself as the type of person that didn't stick to anyone. what i mean to say is that i don't think (or don't like to think) that i led anyone on. if we were going to be friends and in each others lives, it was just understood. i took it for granted, i suppose.
and i as i drove past the streets that once took me to houses of the people whose lives i passed through i wondered about them--the handful of souls that were looking for a listener or someone who could be interested in them. because, good or bad, thats what i was and am.. the forgettable audience member, just floating around untethered.
it isn't so much exhilerating freedom that i mean to express here, don't get me wrong. its a bit sad maybe, but for the most part its just sort of bland and unextraordinary.
and so having said all that.. whats to become of me now? at the end of this year i will have turned thirty and and then a new year will once again begin.
i'd always looked forward to (finally) turning into a 30yr old person in the world. but i had also always seen myself so much different than what i really am, now, today. i'm running out of time, i fear.. and instead of running around to make every last bit count i'm moving slower and slower, until i'm at a standstill. and everything becomes a mirror reflection of the dull expression in my eyes.
help?
00:54 - Saturday, Feb. 11, 2006
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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