*GASP*!!! why?!?! oh why have eye been outed?!?!?
INTRO slash DISCLAIMER: if you are here because you clicked on a link from a ((mutual)) friend's site and/or because she happened to mention it on her latest entry.. hello. my site is not yet clever and presentable and impressive. i don't even have many entries yet.. i was waiting for the cool of my other friends and better days to wash over and transform me into someone even mildly amusing; someone terribly in'tresting and/or dev'lishly stunning. wait, is that what i wanted? oh nevermind. hmm.. waiting. that's sounds so passive. passive isn't cool. dammit, foiled again.
if it [that is, the site and my entries and the unaligned menu] has not yet swept you off your feet it probably never will. i'm still learning the very basics of html code because the damn menu font bugs me and because i like this trying new things portion of my life. but then again, maybe i'll just give up at some point because there'll be more pressing matters.. on second thought, i may just give up because i'm giving up. it could happen.
AND IN OTHER NEWS: i am fickle. i am fickle and uninformed and no longer want to continue school. yes, folks i said it.. school. i am of marriage-having, child-rearing-and-bearing, career-embarking age and i am STILL in school. everyone has graduated and moved on with their lives and i am still where i was. stuck. lodged in the system, running the run around, missing more than hitting, hating and being depleted of vital vital time. by all accounts it really bums me out. what bums me out more is having to pay for all this misery and to be refused loan money because the coffers are supposedly hollow. hollow? of course i don't believe it. or maybe i don't want to believe it.. the point is i don't think i'm meant to do anything but be a grunt. a cog in the wheel merely frittering away on impossible hopes and schemes. ah me, ah life. gripe gripe gripe, moan moan moan, drown drown drown.
THE MIND JUST REELS, DOESN'T IT?: i want so much to be interested and informed about the world. the things going on. the freedom fighters and the people who've made a difference. i want to read. i want to train and condition myself to be this voracious demon of a reader. chucking back and retaining knowledge like some amazing human smarts dumpster [[i just now had the urge to say, instead, "cum dumpster" heh heh. positively juvenile ain't i]] i want to wire notes to my various international lovers who spy by day and love by night ..and paint by number and travel by blimp and sing by pianos... i want to buy a nice hat. maybe even a nice pair of gloves and a handbag to match.. i want to look out the window and see my car. i want to blow this popstand! i want to go go go.
ah well. i suppose its good n' healthy to actually WANT things.
this entry is done with. i wanted to say things; to draw connections; to be appealing.. but i've pro'lly failed. in any case.. the next entry will prob'ly be a little better, have a little more focus. and if not there are always others to look forward to. and if not there are always bloody feet and chicken porn; sleeping babies and one-night-stands. and if not there are always comic conventions and a shop around the corner peddling used erotica and wolf boy comics....... OH THE HEAT!! the hot hot heat of the noisy, bleeting public street street street..
--and now for some ice cream and your regularly scheduled program--
5:32 p.m. - 2003-07-27
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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