On simple tasks:
nice, huh?
sometimes the one-liners really work for me-- no joke, they really do. but of course the cynic living in the backroom of my head tsks and rolls its giant eyes.
you know, it's really hot out in the world. it's the kind of heat that is dry and gets inside you and cooks you. even if you get the windows open and you actually get a kind of a cross-breeze going it doesn't seem like there is enough air or coolness travelling on the air. the curtains at my window are mostly shut and they move in hesitant gasps and flutters and all that but i don't feel whatever it is out there, that balmy coastal stuff. *sigh* i've never really looked at the mostly shut curtains so longingly.
and now for something completely different:
or maybe i mean the same. i'm almost done reading the four feathers. it's good stuff. but then cowardice, redemption, prying eyes and tortured loves are usually pretty awfully engrossing. human tensions and narrative conflict n' all that cal. i really really wish i knew how to change the font of the menu on the page. its look really gets on my nerves. i really have to do something. i have all these silly projects lined up and i have all these things to keep me going and i've barely made a scratch on the scratch-resistant surface.
as for the previous outburst entry.. no explanations are to be had. things like this pass. to steal a common phrase, "it really isn't a big deal" [[but really it is, dammit]] and so just move on and work on leading by example.. because words and language fail. because talk is infused with insidiously clever nuance and subtext and what's the point anyway.
tonight i'm off to a screening of either wizard of oz or black stallion at rob's. i'm nervous because i'm meeting a new person to mine eye.. i'm nervous because it's inevitable. the other shoe WILL drop. i will be found out for the fraud that i am. gah, this is pathetic. but oh well. there's nothing i can do and no path i can take save the one straight through it.. pushing on to the other end, dammit dammit dammit.
--meditation to end the riot playing on my nerves--
5:42 p.m. - 2003-07-26
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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