a quote:
To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves...We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here--with its gift of energy and heightened awareness--so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.--Peter McWilliams, Life 101
this sounds like me doesn't it? with the use of words as RETRAIN and REPROGRAM and the classic, rousing call of an angry mob: WE MUST.... yes, yes indeed we must. we must DO our BEST and LEARN.. i don't know about you all but fear is fear. there are those that think of cowardice in the way that many of our predecessors once thought. that it was a most heinous blot on the character, able to cripple the strongest, brightest and most beloved. in some circles fear, in general, IS a punishable offense. i imagine someone yelling over someone else, "fear is not allowed! if you are afraid you are useless! a pathetic excuse for a man (or woman)!" i imagine someone somewhere has thought these words up or spat them out. i imagine how jarring that must be: to be loathed by the sheer emotion which itself is embedded into the system ("fight or flight").
i'm always afraid. at times i let myself sink into the yellow-hearted fear of both living and dying. but fear or no, a body has got to do the mind and the heart's bidding. and therein lies the rub. because the two are rarely found in agreement of the other. why did i choose this quote to head this entry? because saying, "sorry, that's just the way that i am," does not smack of someone who proposes to LEARN anything free of personal selectivism. learning cannot be filtered by human hands; it just happens and it doesn't excuse itself and it's a fact. learning anything --from the lines of the bard, to calculus, to the waltz, to html code-- takes both fear and cowardice. one is the check of the other.
another quote:
Do thou restrain the haughty spirit in thy breast, for better far is gentle courtesy. Homer
I detest that man who hides one thing in the depths of his heart, and speaks for another.--Homer
and another quote:
It is equally offensive to speed a guest who would like to stay and to detain one who is anxious to leave.--Homer
i am worn out from the thrashing violence of hatching ideas and realizing how they could be better.
i had more to say, obviously. the quotes started out as spring-boards to something else.. to confessions.. to truths.. to a sloppy rehashed telling of the evenings insanity. i will continue, i'll fill in the blanks when i find myself awake again.
3:29 a.m. - 2003-08-09
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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