ok. now i know i'm not any of the following:
--hot
--passably funny/witty
--passably crafty
--passably girlie/stylish
--passably confident
--passably fun/exciting/adventursome (sp?)
--or experienced (in other words, "been around the block" [let's face it, i've barely made it to the corner of the street!]
BUT C'MON! i have more than my share of guy friends. really. i love them dearly, i do. but what the hell IS this? this is buuullshit. ok no it's not really that either. it's just a dry spell. a very long dry spell.
ah but who am i tryin to kid.. there was never any body before the ex nor has there been anyone since. and sure, i'm winning my bet with dom.. that's just great! but it isn't like the bet winnings have any kind of interest value tacked on. also, and more importantly, I'M OLD DAMMIT!
oh who cares anymore. i wouldn't know a viable dating/liking/hot-lovin-in-the-mo'nin thing if it came up and humped my leg or bit my knee or both. there are no potential men/boys within a safe distance. they are all either taken or not looking or averting their eyes for dear life. i am the eternal friend and nothing more. collecting boys left and right.. like a shelter.. run by a nun. and that would be me, folks, me.. of course, me. the pathetic, sacreligious picture of solitude and badluck (and even worse poor planning). who else?
i don't want to have to resort to online romance (quote, unquote). i don't want to canabalize my friends (as if that were even an option). i don't want to be set up (because those things ALWAYS fail). i don't want to be an embittered old hag who falls away into a boring lifetime routine! i want to live!
this is exasperating. tell me, where have all the cowboy's gone? where is my prairie sun? where is my lone ranger? where have all the cowboys gone?
hahahahahahah. gah! i'm lame.
my god it's so bad that i'm quoting lyrics from paula cole songs:
Paula Cole I Am So Ordinary lyrics
I nearly died I suicided softly
I saw her shadow through the cafe window
I watched you lean across the table
I watched you whisper in her ear
And she is your holy Mary
And I am so ordinary
And you can use me if you want to
I know you need me just like an old soft shoe
She looks like me but a bit prettier
She's a skater and a ballet dancer
I saw her on your motorcycle
In the seat I thought was meant for me
Chorus
And when your mother came to Boston you disappeared
And then I saw you three together
I guess she makes the best impression
With her charming femininity...
Chorus
Oh but I am the one you will call when alone
And I am the one who will give when she's gone
And so I give
So I give
I tell myself that love is truly giving
Somehow I justify this
Hoping you will understand me
Hoping you will love me back
And she is your holy Mary
And I am so ordinary
And she is your Queen Cleopatra
And I'm just your morning after
And she is your Star Spangled Banner
And I am just Frere Jaque
And you can lose me if you want to
And I am so ordinary
ok. sufficed to say that this is not all something i can identify with on an overall level.. seeing as how i'm not even the other woman. nope. never have been, never will be. heeeyyyyy.. maybe that's my problem?
2:22 a.m. - 2003-08-12
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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