what the letter H was all that? that last entry, ESPECIALLY toward the end was not real coherent at all. my goodness! i mean i remember writing some parts of that entry but i do NOT remember writing OTHER parts! wow i really WAS delirious.. i was overlapping nights and thoughts and quips.. dang. i'm sort of horrified and sort of impressed (it was somewhere around eleven or twelve hours ago now). well.. sufficed (suffice it?) to say my reason for trying to sort out of all of the madness and double-living was to work through some personal insanities and obsessions that i've been laden with of late.
maybe i should just move away. to another part of the world. maybe in this way i can gain just the right perspective on things here.. the life, such as it is, that i've built up here. ah the ever-present running away fantasy. i never get anywhere when i try to put this into action. i sit around dreaming on the far reaches of the world and end up in the far reaches of national city talking sort of nervous and hurriedly to a pharmacist at sav-on. feh. that's another hash mark for NOT impressive.
driving on surface streets to get back home today (just now) i had the radio on one of the two AM stations i'm currently listening to. today nancy sinatra was acting as a sort of guest deejay sidekick or something and the entire show is Tony Bennet (bennet?).... i caught one of the songs in the middle. i'm not sure but i think it might've been called Lazy Afternoon or something because the chorus lyrics were saying something about spending a lazy afternoon together --with someone.. i don't know. the point is the song and that i was hearing it in the afternoon and that i was driving alone.. in the heat.
i mean don't get me wrong. i like the way the days have been so true to summer --y'know with the promise of sand castles and skin cancer. more than that it always strikes me as odd.. but sort of pleasantly odd.. that i should be listening to such cool music on such mercilessly hot days. like it doesn't fit or something. like i should be listening to country and driving a giant clunking chevvy. or like i should be tuned to hard driving angry metal and driving a roomy cream colored dart. or maybe even bumping along to low-riding shiznit and hitting the switches in my souped up, tricked out, plush interior caddy. i don't know. bleh
but yea. jazzy, bluesy tunes man, under extremely heated lamps. it's like hot sauce in your mouth at dawn.. startling, different --noteworthy at least.
maybe later on i'll really try to work out the details of why i'm obsessed, whom i'm obsessed with, what obsession means, how i'm trying to change, why i'm trying to change, why i'm finding it difficult to be who i am; why i choose to write nothing else but nowhere tales and nowhere-er pitfalls along the way. y'know all the "important" stuff
//i used to sign these things as if they were letters.. hm. i wonder....
4:31 p.m. - 2003-08-17
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
lv2write00
squirrelx
cdghost
smoog
muppetathena
crystal42
thatdame
iwillsurvive
monstre
ouvrelesyeux
poolagirl
lintpickle
i-am-jack
anniewaits18
alicewonders
sunnflower
crateobscure