ok i don't know why i do these things. i don't know why i am like this around people. i don't know why i am so easily disturbed. so disturbed.
what's on my mind:
__i should call rob and see how he is and check on him, generally speaking. he is afterall a friend whom i care about very much. a friend whom i think very highly of. but i can't bring myself to do it for some reason. i should feel comfortable with it and i should feel no problem about it since if i were to bring it up later on in conversations it would be easy enough for me to say what i was thinking or feeling or wondering.
__its a symptom, i think, of something else but i don't know what else. i only feel really comfortable calling on and disrupting the lives of only about three people. three individuals who represent a larger whole. yes and sometimes just these three people irrespective (irrespective?) of whatever iconic figure i make them stand for. is iconic figure redundant? i think it is. maybe a better way to say what i wanted to say there was that sometimes i feel comfortable just calling on these three seperate individuals when they are in their individual person state as opposed to the figure for whatever group i have decided they should represent. hmm. that did NOT, in fact, sound any clearer than my first go at it. ah well. skip it.
i feel very not altogether here and connected to myself or to my home or to the people i look to to remind me of home. people such as my friends, my family, my friends who are my family. its like i left something behind me when i woke. something wandering far from a waking world.....
maybe i ought to read something. maybe i ought to start on those bajillion projects i have lined up.
4:14 p.m. - 2003-08-22
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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