i am full of hate. i am full of rage. i am full of hate. i can't even articulate it all right now. i am SO fucking angry. angry to the point of smiling maniacally and saying hurtful things to people i actually care for very much. i am full hate. i am full of blame. kindness. that's what it is. its freakin my father's "selflessness" that gets him stuck. i hate that. i don't want to become him. i don't want to make the same goddamned mistakes. never being able to say "no" to people. he'll break his back trying to be some kind of hero to the fuckass socialites in this stupid fucking backbiting family!! IT'S HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY!!! YOU'D THINK THAT PEOPLE WOULD JUST QUIT MAKING HIM DO SHIT IF HE DOESN'T HAVE TO!!!!
i hate people. i hate self-interested, unthinking, boring, idiotic, needy fucking assholes! but i don't really know if i hate all of that more than i hate that he STILL keeps turning the other cheek. that he's SUCH a pushover people-pleaser. and then he takes things out on me. he doesn't trust ME?! whatever, mister perfectionist planner. shove it up your goddamned broken nose!
i can't win with him. we're a lot a like. i'm always told this. what makes him think he will ever be happy trying to make everybody else happy? they'll forget him. just like he'll forget me. I FUCKING HATE THESE FUCKING TRIPS!
i need a drink
1:40 p.m. - 2003-08-23
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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