i am at school. i am sitting in a very scholastic computer library environment. it is the "first day" back from summer. i am sitting here logging an entry because i came off shift at around a quarter after ten. i moved the car, changed out of grunt uniform and walked to the city transit bus that would shuttle me up to campus because i missed all the school's city shuttle buses or they were all full. or both.
i made my way through campus on foot. from the bus to the car to the bus to CLiCs (computer library information-- or some such nonsense). wait. is that right? does the period, in fact, come after the parenthetical aside? hmm. i think maybe i'm wrong. ah well. better luck next time.
about the only thing moving quickly and nimbly at this point in time happen to be my fingers. everything else is somewhat weary. i think my body needs sustenance. did i spell that right? sustenance. yes, i think i did. yay. points for me.
meanwhile.. i have class at two all the way on the other side of campus. perhaps i'll walk. not enough people walk is what i'm thinking. yes, since i have been working this shuttle-driver job i've come to realize that not enough people are:
carpooling
riding bikes
walking or
carrying others on their backs like so much dirty laundry
no, not enough people are thinking to themselves, "maybe i should walk. i could probably get there faster because i'll be cutting through large areas where buses and other vehicles do not travel. maybe i should walk because i am not ruled by stop signs or lights in the same way that buses and other transportation are.." no. not enough people are interested in that sort of thing at all. no indeed. instead they are much more interested in space invading, and i don't mean the battle-star gallactic kind either.
it really says something about a person or a group of people who put themselves in a physical position of sharing and yet are unable to let themselves relax once all of those pesky subtle cues are given.
this morning i had my soon-to-be usual wheelchair passenger. i was excited at the chance of doing a better job as a driver and a problem solver. i was actually looking forward to using the wheelchair lift on my bus because it was a different type of bus-- wider and the entry for the passenger was closer to the front (as opposed to the rear on the smaller bus that i drove on tuesday.) the moment arrived sometime around half nine this morning. of course i still forgot to get his name --which i had planned on doing-- but he said to me as the lift worked its hydrolic motion, "[you're] getting better at this.." and my sense of self-worth soared. i laughed, relieved that i was actually DOING instead of simply PANICKING and calling for help. of course last time was the perfect time to panic because i hadn't ever had to use the wheelchair lift and i'd forgotten the training i'd gotten on it last summer and on top of that it wasn't even working properly.
so i've got him on the bus, in the place that was built for wheelchair people like himself. i've already told other people that they can make more room for each other by removing their backpacks. now comes the strapping in part. because, you see, it isn't enough to just get him in and set his parking break and hope for the best. hell no. he could get hurt. i could lose my job. the school would be sued. admission would go up. hope would be lost. you see? i had to take the time to figure things out.. regardless of who was tisking at me or worried over their own lateness. if they were THAT concerned over being perfect on the first day.. then maybe they should've got their asses up out of bed earlier! like the rest of us suckers. but i digress...
a helpful but timid sounding girl suggests or makes clear, rather, the way the buckle straps work. my way of saying thank you is meant to be a jab at my own clumsy, unthinking manner. i say, "ah! that's why we're at college.. so many smart people around" or some such nonsense. i can't really remember verbatim because i was all aflutter with the mechanical successes of a moment ago. naturally i realize my tone and my statement could easily have been misconstrued. i hope that it wasn't. however, i didn't look up to check for any kind of reaction and i didn't apologize. why should i? it wasn't sarcasm.. i was being sincere in my gratitude to her and the others for their patience and helpful actions while at the same time publicly admonishing myself for my mistake which was costing us all precious travel-time minutes.
i have to say.. the highlight of my day thus far has been that wheelchair passenger and the fact that i didn't leave anyone behind. even when people were secretly thinking i should've just let other people wait it out. no dammit. no, i say! every man is not for himself. i.. i am for every man.. well, at least every student on my route, that is.
i'm probably all kinds of wrong as far as this whole situation is concerned. maybe i'm the kind of person that is just that much more contemptable amongst the differently abled because of the fact that i do so want to serve and please them especially. does that make sense? perhaps because i am or i try to be preferential in my treatment of the underdogs in my path i am worse thAn the other joe schmoes out in the world.
aww cram it all.. i'm going to get something to eat before its too late.
but what am i going to do? i am all alone now. all alone. highlights-thus-far be hanged. i am bereft of my dear friendly friends.
[and that, once again folks, is all]
11:01 a.m. - 2003-09-25
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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