in the air: who's sorry now::connie francis
and part of yesterday evening went this way:
me: yea well i actually should get going because i've got to meet these people ...(insert whatever version of reluctance, speech impediment or markers of shy behavior here) yea.. it's my birthday tomorrow and--
A and K: omigod it's your birthday?! happy birthday tomorrow..!!!
me: ..yea..
A and K: how old are you turning?
me: just.. i'm old.. let's just move on.
A and K: looks of disbelief in wide smiles and knocked out giggles What? Are you serious? what's old?
me: old.
A and K: oh c'mon, fine. you don't have to say.. but remember age is a choice.
me: yea. well yea. have a good night guys.. i'm sorry i couldn't stay longer. thanks for your input.. (at this point i'm all sugar folks. sugar and awkward nerves that are JUST this side of endearing.. i mean it. like three quarters of a shade over the line and BOOM! i'm psychotically weird. complete with chest pains and hobbling)
no one understands how tremendously old i feel in my bones. every year is like a new weight added onto my squat brown head. i keep thinking. man, there's just no chance now. no chance at all. i'm done for. what am i doing and where am i going and why am i not there yet and look at them they're there and oh how there looks so much better than here.
age, i think i have chosen wrong.
in the air: stormy weather::peggy lee
tell it tell it tell it, peg, tell it, baby. sing it.
6:23 p.m. - 2003-12-06
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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