*sigh* here it is. another entry waiting to be fleshed out, waiting to be unraveled.. like the skin of onions. layery and unforgiving on the tear-ducts.
so my cough is better. in the sense that it doesn't feel like a family of foreign bodies is stuck/attached to the back of my throat. or if they are.. i don't feel them when i swallow anymore. it still feels like the earth is going to shatter or i'm going to pop a few more blood vessels in my eyes than i have.. but i'm doing what i can. bought me some robiTUSSIN Dm, 'yo. and as it promises to loosen and relieve the congestion in my chest (e.g. soften the granite that is my cough) i am quite hopeful indeed.
today is sunday. my toes are cold. and i dreamt about kissing.
its crazy. i really miss kissing. i mean i think i miss the action. and not the person --the only other person i've kissed with feeling. not that [a] was that bad. but.. i mean.. well.. i had nothing and no one to compare him to. which is quite sad in and of itself. but that's all sludge and missing shoes under the bridge, right folks? i mean, no offense [a], if you are in fact reading this thing.. which i highly doubt you are. really. no offense intended. but that stuff was kid-stuff.. a learning experience. i learned what i wanted and didn't want but, of course, before i could learn anything that mattered the switch was magically turned off. the chord connecting us severed forever. bleh.
and now i'm this old person. i'm this old person with hardly any experience at all. like that blind girl in that important black-n-white sixties film starring (the great) Sydney Portier (sp?). i forget the title again but the character of the blind girl was "from trash... but the girl [was] not trash". i mean not that my people are trash..no. that's not what i'm saying. i'm saying i'm like her in the sense that.. wait.. why/how am i like her again? oh yes. because i'm this old person, although she wasn't really too old, and with hardly any life lived... and groping in the dark or for the dark or..
i'm getting carried away again. i'm getting carried away and i'm forgetting what i started out to say. oh.. no matter. it was, i'm sure, some more of that really syrupy lamentation and what all.
so i had this dream that i was kissing someone. you ever have those dreams where you are the person you are --like when you're awake-- but then you're also able to come outside of yourself. come outside of your skin or your particular perspective? yes. there was a lot of that in/out, off/on action. i think i may have been kissing [O] in the dream. i'm so very confused by myself. it felt like it had to have been because the other two fellows that i have been preoccupiedly daydreaming about of late have a diff'rent sort of... umm.. thickness to their lips.... respectively
i remember it was warm. a little rough, being that there were some facial outcroppings; some of that follicle growth action. so i was kissing the boy and i was kissing his shadow. or the shadow of his grown-man's rough-n-tumble. this kiss was real. by that i mean there was no glitz. he was not, thankfully, slobbering like a hound but he was not dry as plywood niether. then there was a crazy sensation of floating. what could it be, i half-thought, and the answer came. he had lifted me into the air as though i were not the overweight, top-heavy/bottom-heavier, troll that i am in the waking world. it was a nice dream.
in the air: R U still in 2 it? performed by MOGWAI.
*sigh* connections are here and then they're gone again. that's the way it works. that's the bare facts of the matter.
but when is it my turn?! she whined, revealing her true unwillingness to wait.. or be patient.. or be reserved and composed... blah blah blah. composed. guys don't go for composed. guys go for confidence, stunning beauty, willingness and flexibility..
and so.. on that note.. i think it is quite safe to say that i am in a slump.
in the air: tethered performed by mogwai and nick drake (or so it says..)
oddly, there is something.. there is something inside the nothing.. oddly.
5:31 p.m. - 2004-01-04
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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