sometimes he's funny. sometimes he's so funny i laugh my ugly laugh. and sometimes it doesn't matter if its ugly or i am.. for in the split of the second i don't care.
tonight, dinner in commemoration of [z]'s third (or isn't it more) year of sobriety. at the table, from stage left to stage right: [z], a little girl named sandy who is [z]'s niece (i think), the child [lucas], [jhn], [jnn], [b], [e], [j-wary], myself, [th], [m], [t], zuri's sister(?), zuri's other sister julie and baby zora. thai time, yo. doin it up right.
man, its late..or early. whatever.. i'm in a state and my hands are dry.
i planned pretty poorly this evening. i wanted and thought i could handle being everywhere at once. it turns out that i can't do it. no matter how i try to project myself astral-wise.
obviously i had to deal with the problems in paradise. i had to continue talking to [r] this afternoon.. and then again this evening. i swear.. its as though i'm always on the verge of breaking up, breaking apart, breaking off. hmm. perhaps i like to live it on the edge.. yea. the edge of disaster.
i get so emotional. i wish it were just weak in the knees, like SWV once sang about. but it isn't. i get weak everywhere. i get like a wet rag.. all sloppy n' soppy eyed.
for now things are back in place. the balance between us has, once again, been reset. god, what [t] and/or [e] and/or [jnn], for that matter --what must they think of me? i worry i'm not where i should be. i worry.
but let that fix itself when it should
03:45 - Sunday, Apr. 04, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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