what the hell is wrong with me.
i am not myself.
i am working on this thing that's due at three thirty. gah! and its like pulling teeth.. like pulling teeth out of my anus! its only the first piece of the quarter for goodness sake. come on!
i'm burnt out with this scholastic effort thing. i feel haggard when i look in the mirror or catch a reflection of myself. i feel old. i feel like i look old. and not that there's anything in old age.. just in the kind of old that means you no longer understand or belong
i saw a girl in a plaid miniskirt and combat boots and piercings and the whole nine... she looked about fifteen (if that) and for a second.. or for longer than a second i felt like i couldn't relate anymore. i mean.. not that i could ever really relate with that store-bought punk.. or even real punk, but store-bought or not its coming from that same place. y'know? that notice me, notice me, notice me..FUCK YOU for noticing me, you dirty fascist! and what of it, ya prickhole! place. or i don't know. it comes from feeling odd and at the same time commiserating (sp?) and secret.
somehow i just couldn't shake the feeling. its with me still. and its killing my sense of-- its killing me.
then again, that feeling may also be the quite unhealthy speed-snack at-lunch insanity of a few minutes ago. translation: i had too many sweets.
man, i have never wanted my period to come to me so badly as i do now. these days. man oh man. in the meantime.. in the meantime.. in the meantime nothing until something.
14:01 - Tuesday, Apr. 06, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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