my eyes are bad. i must get new contacts/glasses but i can't find my perscription again! aww feck.
i thought about just copying my entry for livejournal onto here but decided against it because i want to keep living that life in every word thing that i told myself i was going to try.
its really just me being stupid.. pay no attention to the blustering girl behind the intentionally half-drawn curtain.
i'm listening to hawaiian/polynesian internet radio. someone named Darlene Ahuna and a song called Pa'ani Kamali'i or some such thing. her voice does this slipping like half-yodel over the notes. i should be doing some actual work.. i mean this will prob'ly be the only other free time time. aww feck.
all is well with [r].. well.. all is well when he gets what he wants. us last night, after the tiff in the car but before the crippled-man foreplay:
me: (exasperated noise) Why are you so demanding! You are so demanding!(which really he has never done but my point was to get at the heart of the thing that's always bothering me, which is that i do more of the meaningful giving in.. whereas he's perfectly alright with giving in to my choice in radio station. that kind of thing. but i digress.. the rest of the convo went like so..)
him: (sort of under-the-breath and in between sips of water) ...whatchoo mean demanding--
me: SO DEMANDING!!
him: hey, i do what you want sometimes.. i give in..
me: yea.. like sometimes you pass me the ketchup when i say "hey, can you pass the ketchup" and then other times you're like, "no..get it yourself"
him: i'm demanding because i'm also very giving.and there it is. that confidence in his voice, of a timber that i rarely hear. usually he's just firmly resolute (however redundant that sounds).. and it dawns on me. i am such a sick puppy. and like a puppy i'm easily distracted (a new discovery), besides being loyal and all that golden stuff. or maybe i'm not so much distracted as i am willing to be fooled. i'm sick because i know he is both right and wrong. and when i do vent about him i'm always defending him and sounding like some sort of insanely trapped and defeated woman..(and i mean c'mon, the fact that i have to vent about my-- about him? gah!) --what the hell, y'know?
10:08 - Saturday, May. 08, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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