yikes! i don't remember what time i go to work. its either three:fifteen or three:fortyfive. i'm pretty sure its the latter.
i'm just updating because i've got more time to kill and this is just like the calm before the-- drizzle. i won't say storm because really it isn't. there's just a lot going on this weekend that i will either be participating in or not.
and at the same time its odd to know the plans of the things you won't be a part of. for instance, i'm going to disneyland with [d] and [i] but on the other hand one of my older and closer cousins is actually emigrating ((or do i mean immigrating? [stoopid english])) here, for-all-intents-and-purposes, the real deal. the long haul. his wife and two kids are actually going to be in the process of getting to know their new american home. this is odd for me. i became so used to being involved in a lot of my family's major events. i used to be much different.
on the other hand a couple relatives are going to be staying over (sleeping in my room in leu of me [leu?]) this weekend. i guess that doesn't really count as being on the other hand since its still sort of "relative" business.
so... on the other hand [r] leaves early saturday morning for delaware and all points east. well, all relevant points east. all points relevant (sp?) to him. then he'll be back briefly on some long-awaited sunday.. but then only briefly because then he goes out to sea for two weeks. not too far out to see though.. skirting the northern (west) coast as i understand it. and so he won't be back until his birthday.. which i should really remember/be certain of when that is. god i'm a flake-job.
and soon also there is the impending departure of [j]. but that has nothing to do with this immediate weekend deal.
eegad! @#%#!!! i'd better go.. before the meter expires and i garner yet another one of those beautifully gaudy mustard-yellow parking tickets. damn/the/man. *sigh* most heavy.
well. at least the car is running on newly changed oil and other details. i'd better remember to wash it before after the moment-of-beauty i have planned for tomorrow. gah! beauty..
[l] is mean and last night at [j]'s i really was angry. somewhere in between all of the bullshit. i'm a terrible slob when i'm angry.. it makes me feel like a snarling ugly fool. especially after the things i've had to acclimatize (sp?) to and the talks i've had to give myself.
here's me.. trying to care more than i remember learning how to. ~what?! here's me, flinging things out the window, crying, "what is life without risk?!" what happened to the patience in: all things are impermanent? i could let things go then. my joints did not make noises in my body and tendons didn't used to take so long to heal.
bleh--
14:57 - Friday, May. 07, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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