i am fasting.
why, you ask, am i fasting?
i am fasting because i am stupid. and i am stupid because i forgot my wallet at the home this morning when i left. when i left with mother in tow i forgot that my wallet was still nestled on the papasan and beside the sleeping bag. this sleeping bag i have for when it is cold. for when it is cold i do not sleep under quilts. for quilts do not imply moving. and i am a mover. and that must be clear. that because i am stupid, i am fasting.
fasting is difficult. fasting is making my eyes very dry around the contact lens where contact with the lens is making my eyeball dry. i am dry and fasting. this makes me old. i am old and controlling my body. my body that does not know that i am stupid or that i am fasting and is only panicked because it is a body that thinks about famine. it thinks there is a famine, my body does. funny body, no. don't be silly. a famine?! no need to panic. no need.
i have not done a majority of the reading for the travel writing class because there is generally too much of it. there is an excessiveness to everything when one is fasting. its miserable. colors are bright and taunt me. colors are excessive. people make noises. bodies make concessions. concession stands offer refreshments in excess. iNexes was group but i don't think i spelled their own mispelling correctly. i'm famished. funny thing is, i'll tell ya, the funny thing is that this thing isn't sudden. i'm burning slowly. burning but not like the new usher song. burning like acid reflux which i hope i do not have or develop if one can develop it without first having it. in them.
so isaac asimov. prolific granddaddy of sci-fi and fantasy writings. thing about him was that he was fantastically brilliant. fantastically brilliantly talented but sometimes had difficulty making simple connections. i understand how it is. i read about him. i read that he sometimes was not able even to recognize the face of his own daughter if she did not speak to him. her face, somehow, did not register. isn't that fascinating? i think so. troubling too because though i am not fantastic or brilliant or prolific i am finding increasing difficulty with this. i know that this may be indirectly caused by today's fasting. but it really isn't because this has been going on now for a few months now. and the thing is that i have such sympathy for the isaac asimov that couldn't recognize those things/people that were dear and familiar. its crazy, that. but i have such aching sympathy. its troubling because you think you're going crazy. you know. i joked about being at the airport waiting for [r] to return to sd after a week or so of vacationing on the eastern coast. but really.. for a good long minute i forgot who i was looking for in the crowd. was i excited? was i distracted? did i become so preoccupied with staring at people that i forgot what the point was? i don't know. i'm getting a pang of hunger at the moment. i'm doing irreprable damage to me. but what can i do? i have no money, no wallet, no id. nothing. i am nothing. i am fast becoming nothing. very fast. i am so incredibly, inescapable inept. i want to die under the wooden wheel of a stage-coach. i think. no, i'm not sure. that's all for now. i've got to function for the remainder of the day and then figure the rest out.
i am preoccupation at its slimiest. and i'm ashamed.
~bye now~
14:20 - Thursday, May. 20, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
lv2write00
squirrelx
cdghost
smoog
muppetathena
crystal42
thatdame
iwillsurvive
monstre
ouvrelesyeux
poolagirl
lintpickle
i-am-jack
anniewaits18
alicewonders
sunnflower
crateobscure