i'm trying hastily to look up any information on the author of the rhyme on the previous entry's quotation.
and i'll be as brief as i'm able.
he's back. my partner in "crime-fighting". so far things are very good between us, healthy, sweet, edgy but in a good way or in a way that works. there are things on his mind, still as there always will be, that i wish he would feel free to share. but i can't force his confidence. i will not. and i know he knows more about me than he pretends not to know. but we're not going anywhere, i feel. we are the most that we can be to each other the way we are to each other right now, present day.
i often don't know what to do or how to bring out in him his finer side. i'm supposed to do that naturally, aren't i? what are we doing for each other besides staving off the monsters of lonliness. what are we doing for each other if not caring for each other? and is not caring for each other knowing each other? and is not knowing each other..... something further still?
precisely. its too far. i want to ask him but i feel like all he does is take too long with an answer.
i am the same problem that i am. i want too much without attempting to rise and be his too much. i am being typical.. i want to know what he's thinking. or maybe i already know but i want him to say it, i want the words to come from him. i want too much.
there are moments when i think to myself that i can absolutely see myself serious.. see myself serious with him. i can see myself further somewhere. but how? he is not what i once thought and now that i know what he is not, what he is seems to keep slipping through the sopping mesh of my net.
the madness surely will begin by mid to late september and go on from there. what should i do? should i take this thing somewhere? will he let me? will i ever stop asking? and what if when i get what i think i want, i no longer want it?
well then.. perhaps i'll just make a soupy gruel.
00:09 - Wednesday, Aug. 04, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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