he comes back tomorrow and thinking about it makes me ticklish with nerves and fear and happiness and regret and everything rushing at me all at once like a frieght train in the dark.
i'm glad but i find myself wondering how long this thing between us will last. i know that he is bound to break up with me, that is just how the world works, and so i suppose i've been bracing myself since day one.
i'm very wary of whatever this relationship ordeal (really) is. i mean this is my second real thing. and granted the first thing didn't work out and that was kind of strange and this second thing is suddenly and possibly going to become this long-term long-distance thing.. but who knows. maybe he's already thinking about a change of scenery and will be done with me before the next time he has to be underway again (next year).
tomorrow is certainly going to be interesting. i wonder what he's like.. how diff'rent we've both had to be for this brief stint of separation.
.i want everything and everyone in the world. i want it all and that's much too much.
UPDATE:
perhaps if i read the following quotation/excerpt over and over and over.. everything, for me, will be turned right again?
If questioning would make us wise no eyes would ever gaze in eyes; if all our tale were told in speech no mouths would wonder each to each. Were spirits free from mortal mesh and love not bound in hearts of flesh no aching breasts would yearn to meet and find their ecstasy complete. For who is there that lives and knows the secret powers by which he grows? Were knowledge all, what were our need to thrill and faint and sweetly bleed? Then seek not, sweet, the "If" and "Why" I love you now until I die. For I must love because I live And life in me is what you give. - Bill Archernote to self: enjoy what is now. immerse yourself in love. live inside what has been given to you or live to regret it. jealousy is born from pride and ego.. and i am here to learn what i will. everything else be hanged. i fall, i sink, i go running because i'm dying to know what happens next.
21:45 - Sunday, Aug. 01, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
My profile
Archives
Notes
Diaryland
Random
RSS
others:
lv2write00
squirrelx
cdghost
smoog
muppetathena
crystal42
thatdame
iwillsurvive
monstre
ouvrelesyeux
poolagirl
lintpickle
i-am-jack
anniewaits18
alicewonders
sunnflower
crateobscure