eleven already and i haven't even begun to fix my face or my feet or my self to the ground from which i'm daring myself to leave.
today a movie! today, ultimately, a movie in the faraway land of los angeles!
a small road trip excursion with friends to see friends.
my back hurts because i have slept wrong. how does that happen? you're going along fine and then *cave* everything falls apart to build itself up again?
yesterday i tried to make an audiopost from my phone to my other "blog" --and what a horrible newly coined word that is too-- and it didn't work. i was mildly phased by it.. especially because the phone blog was a moment of my voice and my thought captured in belief or suspended belief that all things were good and right in the world. i'd spent a great part of the day with my dad, just driving about town having lunch by the water and taking pictures. developing pictures, buying movies at walmart (mostly clint eastwood. mostly westerns. and though i've never seen the outlaw josey wales i've heard good things).
my carpal tunnel forearm pain is kicking in, how atrocious.
anyhow i'm in the red, financially, and on the verge of possible collapse--in a general way--but i don't seem to mind the free falling, the drop from the great great heights.
i am missing people again. i am sad for people again. i am longing for what has yet to happen..the possibility in it. i feel charged but quiet, awake but alone.
i am learning nothing new. no. that's a lie. i am learning that i have come to embrace my solitude to myself instead of trying to wear it. my back hurts but i am constantly stretching. my space is a mess but i'm at least moving things around.
i thought about something that would make, for me, an interesting angle to tell on. about the twisting sweet of apples or an idea that i'd simmered on after having come from another one of those movie experiences out with the man. hmmm. if i could only remember. i know it was a reversal and i know it happened at night. i know because i was driving at night, late.. or early morning. a case of espionage, a case of psychological mayhem, a case of---
ah well.. i must away.. more again soon again. and let the spring begin again.
10:59 - Sunday, Mar. 27, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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