you know, i seem to remember something just now. and before i've managed to chase it away i'll recognize it and give it credence. it comes to me from out of a moody haze or creeping nighttime fog--therefore i must believe it.
i seem to remember that there was, once, a boy i knew, or seemed to know in my childhood. we had talks to color the nighttime quiet. we had adventures in a world teeming with imagined figures. he placed a trust in me once, saying that he wanted to hear what i had to say because he knew i would tell the truth. i didn't think it was flattery, only that my colors of what i imagined was loyalty were beginning to show. i tell you, i loved him so dearly and with a purity and reverence as lives innocently and vibrantly in sacred memory. he seemed to pluck words and meaning from out of an open sky and flying about like peterpan, i couldn't help but believe in him. he dreamed the dreams that could have carried me away.... that was then.
later on i thought i saw a glimmer, a flashing, passing brilliance--so unlike lightening because it was somehow soft, soundless.
he took me to the seaside, dark water stretching beneath dark heights. i felt my heart break open for him. he said, "...now i can say goodbye..."
and i had not the heart or the strength to meet his searching gaze. i, in the insanity of that instant, abandoned him in his goodbying.
i shall not do that again.....
and now i've given up the mood for it, with cold, trembling hands.
and though i loved him from my heart i seem to watch him whither. and just like that, the boy is gone....
02:36 - Friday, Feb. 11, 2005
Recent entries:
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newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
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