do not let the sunshine fool you. its only momentary. today is not a good day. curling inside the bits of flotsam madness, its not a good day. i can feel things slipping backward.
however, it IS a good day in the sense that the sun is shining its burn through the clouds. i can see the shadows of things on the rooftop across the way. sun is good, lines are good, shadows are good. but feelings are bad and blue and unable to stay true.
yesterday was a long day, breaking off with this in-class movie which put me in such a strange head-space.
yesterday was two separate things stitched together. toni and i met and reconnected and i was, for a brief space, brought back to the person i had been before all the solitude. before the distortion of days and this day of stirring, roiling moods.
i cannot stand (by) my imagination.
i long for even thoughts and no high peaks of emotional danger. i am, at times, too much in my head and asleep through ages like her. or once, so.
12:38 - Friday, Feb. 18, 2005
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