i don't know what compelled me but i do have a bad habit of acting (or in this case, writing) on the spur of the moment. all i can do now is to brace myself for the consequences.
it happened with oscarr and caused such a tremor between t and i. we weathered that, thankfully. and now.. what have i done?
i tell you, at the time, it felt like the right thing to do. but then, too, i have my doubts like anyone would ..given what has transpired in all of our lives.
i was thinking about abandonment and forgiveness and owning up to mistakes. i was thinking about anger and despair and lonliness. i was thinking about a million pretend conversations. i was thinking that i'm not doing much good in the world and i was thinking about trading one mistake in for.... many others.
the problem is that i was thinking about all of that too too late.
more, about other things i can afford to be detailed about, later.
20:21 - Thursday, Feb. 17, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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