the original title was going to have something to do with lips but i imagined how some people might not think or see, in his/her mind's eye, what i was seeing.
tonight i managed to stay awake while i visited, briefly, with him. and tonight he fell asleep. it was good to be with him, held by him. to him, though, i'm sure that i'm just company, y'know? someone to be with so he doesn't have to be alone. someone warm whom his arms can look forward to after a long day at work--bossing people and being bossed around.
tonight i actually enjoyed the action of kissing. in particular, i enjoyed the sensation and the fit of his lips against mine. he has full lips and tonight they weren't rough or uncared for. tonight was just right--in action and theory of course, though not only in action or theory alone... surely.
tonight he mentioned something about an old rotc schoolmate acquaintance of his while he was up at OSU. he related a sort of small-world kind of anecdote because that fellow whom he knew then happened to get an assignment here and on his ship nonetheless! "small world," he said. "yes indeed," says i.
tangentially he mentioned something along the lines of marriage. i think the concept is terrifying to both of us. one, because we both act as though we arleady are. we don't sleep together, we rarely see each other and therefore know very little about what the other one needs (which is something all real relationships require).
i'm so tired. my massive body aches.
i can't answer phone calls at this hour. i ache all over and brain feels as though its two sizes too small.
i wanted to write more about things. perhaps about synchronicity. about my phone conversation with dom. that it was healthy and positive and no wonder because it was about books, stories, his renewed interest in Ernest H.--the old devil.
Professor in class today mentioned Ernest H. in her discussion of susan sontag and Thomas Mann. we're reading Death in Venice. Dom AND Rob's birthdays are approaching...what shall i do? which reminds me, i need to ask about donnie's birthday. i think i did once but can't remember. how awful.
there's got to be something to it.
i'm a wreck. oh how i ache.
i think i'll go to bed.
thanks for tuning in. i don't know whats going to happen next but i hope the tension lasts.
alright now. i'm asleep.
the next entry will have nothing to do whatsoever with the past. nothing looming and nothing that is dead now, as history is dead and giving off naught but darkening pools about the eyes and turning rings upon the heart.
01:04 - Thursday, Mar. 31, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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