earlier today i was going to journal a bit about whats been going on or whats been on my mind versus whats actually happening.
but that was earlier today, when i hadn't yet gone out and done anything in the world or attempted interactions.
[break]
i've been away from my desk and haven't had the opportunity or the pleasure of writing things out to work them out.
in a few hours or so i'm supposed to be up and then in the early afternoon i'm to go to the haus and end up attending the bar-b-cue at robs moms haus in T.J.
earlier i was supposed to go from hanging out with ruel to hanging out with the gang down in I.B. i didn't call them back because i figured it was late and they all had work tomorrow anyway. it was too late. then there was the reminding call from rob and dominic and.. then i had trouble negotiating the freeway for some reason.
earlier i was watching a movie with ruel and he stayed awake all the way through it even though he didn't like it much. it was a french picture. love me if you dare it was called. liked it a bunch.. want to see it again and/or own it. it wasn't all that fantastic or anything... i just have a crush on the movie for the time being.
i wonder if i'm strong enough, being an only child, to deal with watching my parents age and then eventually die. i don't want to think about it. that doesn't really have anything to do with the movie in the previous paragraph. i'm just venting and there are no links, you see? none. mostly because i am unable to focus for very long periods of time. does this mean that i am seriously deficient mentally?
my dad is trying to sleep through his current stomach cramping indigestion-like situation. i WAS quite sleepy.. but now i'm just worried.
i don't want to worry and i don't want to think.
you know something? cheating, on your significant other or your lover or your card game, should be illegal. yes. cheating should be an illegal offense and punishable by-- um... punishable by some awful torture or death.
ok all of that.. except for the cheating in a card game. it seems rather silly to have to get it because you cheated at an innocent game of canasta. did i spell that right? canasta..
why do i mention that? oh only because i don't want to have to think about disease and pain and writhing and stomach cramps and worry and ailments.
last night was fun. i had prolonged moments, before and in between the fun, that i felt like i was going to crumple. just fold up into a heap and a mess, a simple tangle on the complicated floor.
pms is awful.
read some bits and little known facts or "facts" about Lewis Caroll today. it was from a booklet i borrowed from janwar. for those who don't know it (if i actually wrote about something worthwhile i bet i'd have the proper readership. the kind that would warrant me saying what i say and writing as though someone were going to actually read it and try to glean something of value.... oh fecken forget it)....
put plainly, i'm obsessed with all things Alice in Wonderland don't know how or why this got started. i can't remember. all i know is that one sticky southwestern community college day i developed a habit.
but thats neither soft or stirring or very much at all like solitude.. so i think this entry was a waste of sleep.
also, i keep seeing moving lights from the corners of my seeing seeing eyes.
tonight, the lights stay on
14:21 - Sunday, Jun. 19, 2005
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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