i thought i'd better get this down for the record in case i actually have to rely on my faulty faulty memory for something to tell me who i was back when.
and it may not make sense to anyone who doesn't know me or my psychosis. but today.. instead of pushing away and shutting the blinds in a fit of rage and a torrent of my own brand of crazy i actually ran to meet the blow of the crashing, dashing tide. i hate myself for it, of course. and it isn't a big deal to anyone but me and maybe the other voices i support and maintain like a doting old gran. but the action, the action this time does not bespeak or belie what creeps about at the heart of it.
if this is a celebration.. then why do i feel like i'm drowning something out in the hopes of--? in exchange for--?
coffee night again tonight. relying on a ride from oscarrr and bracing myself again. i'll have to leave something at the end of this. i really really must.
--spinning up and out and under.
6:39 p.m. - 2003-07-25
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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