time for another round of it.
so here i am. buzzing and yet on standby, as it were. but oh what a relief. to be somewhat situated in the quarter.. some of the headache is lifted.. and now its just up to me [insert terror here] to keep my end of the bargain.
tonights action? pickin toni up at the cart and heading over to scolaris' to watch/listen to john and sal and pito play as the secret fun club.. good times are to be had by all. well.. all who wear the appropriate ear gear anyhow. i'm not exactly looking forward to some of the crowd that comes out, each time, to lend whatever version of moral support they can. i'm sure the same folks'll be there --bringing with them the same looks and the same discomfort and the same curiosity about us, the sometimes-there fan-base. ah, blah blah blah. who cares. i'm going there to listen to the musical stylings of some pretty cool cats and that is, as they say, that.
in other news:
last night i was not, in fact, at the coffeeshop --where i could normally/usually have been found.. like clockwork.. way back when i wasn't involved. yea. adjustment periods. they're everywhere!! adjustment is as adjustment does, right? yes. and sometimes, i have to admit, i sit around contemplating/wondering about what and who i've (really) gotten myself into. he's a gemini (if that kind of thing has any real weight in anything that has been or will be done.) i care about him very much. he's proof, for the time being, that my innards have not really frozen over or turned to blackened stone. i am not, in fact, the ice-princess-queen-monarch i was starting to think i was. or even if i am, in reality, cold, frigid, prudish and naive, this is quite a lovely reprieve from that. this man is sweet and gentle and forgiving of my mis-steps and understanding (to a point) and funny and endearing [[even though [t] and others may have had their doubts about him.. being that he was immediately considered the "new arrival" --back when he was-- which immediately made him foreign and suspicious to the "rest" of us]]. there is or has been something about his gaze alone that has had the power to simply send me. d'you know what i mean when i say that he "sends me"? hmm. i ask as if i know anyone will answer. well, the point is that he does to me what every other blues song and what every cheese-injected love ballad expects to do to its million moaning listeners.. he wrecks me. he wrecks me and amuses me, makes me feel safe and amuses me while doing it. i want to know him better. but i want to take my time because.... i think its good for both of us.. to take.. our time. i mean, its right for me.. and he says its right for him. and in the end people can really only take you at your word.. so yes. thats it.. there it went. my very own, state of the romance address.
and now for something completely diff'rent:
i have too much to do and too little time in which to do it. how am i going to get this shit done?! i am a loser. pathetic and all that. what?! why whatever do you mean to say? you ask with high-pitched concern... well. i've still got christmas presents that i haven't wrapped and haven't given. there they are. just sitting there in a pile. bleh. just growing dusty and unused. i have jewelry strewn across a portion of my dresser. i have a couple loads of wash i haven't attended to (mainly because of my neighbors and their laundry room habits).. i have lines of latin to translate and paradigm tables to know like the back of my tongue. i have hungers and questions and doubts about the fitness of my hands and my knees. i have book after book after page that i have passed over too many times. its unforgivable really. i have a car i have to wash and maintain for its constant use. i have nails to file and ideas to make concrete and visible to everyone else before the deadline(s) come to demolish my hopes and my desires. i guess i have AND i have not.. or i don't know. maybe this is just another one of those agonizingly boring entries that must be gotten out of my system in order for me to actually get anything done. bleh. ok fine. there you have it. the sorry, stagnant state of my saturday life.
perhaps next time i shall make an entry talking about neck sucking technique. who has it, and why its important. yum.
8:05 p.m. - 2004-01-17
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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