the following was the highlight of my yesterday. first, the "process note" included with the portfolio i turned in with my projects last quarter.. then a reply note to me from the visiting writing instructor who led the class.
It's interesting and exciting, to me, that the class began with a focus on the line, the sentence, the building block of thought itself. In attempting to write anything I've always been attracted to and distracted by the way a line would be read versus the way I imagined or intended it to be read. It's selfish, I know, but my small interest in it has, over the years, bloomed into quite an enormously gaudy thing. For instance, I am constantly confusing myself and, no doubt, others with the awful habit of dropping sentences and ideas and words down so that they splatter and make a mess of and interrupt the overall theme, the overall desire; the underlying message. They, the writing efforts, turn out as half buried skeletons boasting synthetic replications of the real thing --which as it turns out is that dust and ash my skeleton frames are buried under. It's all very upsetting and agitating and difficult to come to terms with but still must be met and done battle with. For what is really at the center of all the confusion and the patches of forgetting and the mismatched blotches of poor description and even poorer design is simply that experience moves faster than I am able to trap it. I know that writing must say something important about the things that people never talk about or that people talk too much about or that people never even considered talking about. So, by that logic, it is a repetitive-- a cyclical thing and cannot, however it tries, get away from itself --nor should it.
I've come to realize that this has been my process: write it down, say what you want now and then write it again and again but clear yourself up every time. This way, however, is an ongoing nightmare that I must see through to the end, however I may reach it and however it may end. Though irresponsible sounding it's the only thought I can think in order to even get one thing down on paper. I have that unfortunate habit of editing in words instead of in paragraphs of whole and meaningful ideas. Writing, it makes me want to tear my hair out.. if I weren't so against real pain I suppose I wouldn't have to write about it all the time.
[postscript: I didn't really get to finish or do what I wanted but I'd rather turn something in rather than nothing.]
and now, her return note to me
Dear J---
The main reason that I asked you to compile a portfolio of the assignments you wrote over the quarter was so that I could get a second chance to see your creations, and think about them in the context of your process note. (This is everybody's first sentence)
Yes, you are "guilty of little to no class participation." I was this way as well in college, and it is only because I'm supposed to (i.e. being a teacher now) that I actually do speak in class. Though still not as much as some others. I like to hear from students, because when one is seeing something for the first time one has a unique position with regards to it. I am not expecting people to speak as orators, just as who they are, as you might recall, even those who did speak frequently in the class did so in their own idiosyncratic ways.
What does impress me about you J--- is that you take your works seriously. Your engagement with the comments I wrote on your pieces, considering those suggestions but being very deliberate in revising your work your own way, not to mention the fact that you actually returned to each of the assignments I gave this quarter to revise them--exceptional behavior, and shows commitment to being a good student and an engaged writer.
You know that I think your work is original and stunning right now. If you continue to write and read you will be outrageously good, and successful. Shyness will be less of an issue because your work will begin speaking for you, and subsequently you will become more confident. I hope you stay in touch with me, keep me abreast of your progress and projects. And if you ever decide to apply for M.F.A programs, which I do not necessarily recommend, I would be honored to write recommendations for you.
So onward.
My best to you,
R---
yay!
10:02 a.m. - 2004-01-24
Recent entries:
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