tonight i relived the pain of being an outsider. tonight i saw everything i thought i had built up, or helped to build up, turn to thin slips of onion-skin lifted out of my hand. tonight my eyes were opened and i couldn't get comfortable. tonight old jealousies were reborn. tonight i stood outside of something that, if i were a bigger person on the inside, i would have been able to appreciate. i don't expect anyone who is not myself or [rb] or [d] to understand that particular kind of solitude. [b] knows how consuming it can be being a "misfit" in his own right.. but i really can't rely on him for he is a king among misfits. [jnn] is cool. [t] is at the top of her game and the height of her success because she is essential. she is the person she successfully created in her school-days. [r] is away and would only accuse me of curling up into my protective ball --even though i find myself letting him in. [januron].. no. got no one left to cry to. got no nerve left. nothin to do when your locked out.. but sit on the stoop and wait for the rain.
in other news: the sun is out now.
05:15 - Thursday, Jul. 08, 2004
Recent entries:
oday.html">the 3 month countdown begins - 05 May 2018
anothrburst.html">another burst - this used to be my playground
newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
moody.html">a blanket for a bad mood under the sun. - 25 March 2007
emilludwig.html">...kissing a fool... - 05 December 2006
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