i want to try to keep this short.
and though i don't really want to share i can't keep it in any longer.
this morning ruel was deployed, on his ship, along with many other navy and marines on the USS C_____. i drove him (even late as i was) to the pier and dropped him off and said my goodbyes and cried my tears.
i went home and cried myself back to sleep to wake up to begin a new day with friends that i had neglected for over a week.
they were kind enough to have me..
the day was a busy one at the comic convention downtown and wading through the throng.
i met someone new and felt a nice little feeling of familiarity. i wanted (and tried) to resist feeling comfortable but i couldn't really help it.
i had a marvelous day with the fellas.
wish i could go again tomorrow to hang out with dom and ivan and do more people watching and/or drinking talking and eating.
but underneath it i'm a wreck.
just beneath the laughing, happy, easy surface i'm a beastly wreck.
all i want is to cry
all i want is to be held.. for him to hold me while i cry and tear myself heartache after heartache.
all i want is one more moment..
just one more.....
he finally said that thing i have longed to hear, i love you (too)
and its true
he does
i feel it
i feel it and i'm falling apart.
19:42 - Saturday, Jul. 16, 2005
Recent entries:
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