slow in the rain today, i was
(was i?) walking slow in the rain today
while everyone ran or while everyone went trotting along or while everbody went on dodging the rain like dodging the headlights like steam racing toward them
i wore the wrong shoes for the amount of walking i did not envision or expect myself to be doing in the rain.
and traveling all the distances and shaking off the slosh. it was rain and it was good for walking, though the story may not have been the same for the people--all the california people--behind california wheels and potential damage.
did quite a lot of people watching, staring, judging today. i've been trying to turn off the internal monologue and concentrate on the details. details are inevitable, unfortunate, astounding, difficult, present, terrorizing, exceptionally basic. there were several times when, in my wrong type shoes, i felt a little wobble tickle my injury. gloriously unstable moments when i could've fallen all over again. i've been greatly relieved, though, that i managed to stay unfallen. i'm still a bit swollen, unstable, a quivering infirmity very nearly to the bone.
the rain invaded and inhabited, soaking everything. floods and great sections of run-off continue in confrontation of everyone concerned and everyone refusing to be concerned. you can't protect yourself against natural disasters. when you lose something it is lost. it cannot be retrieved once its gone, back-up files become awful paperweights whe the thing it needs (to be fully actualized) is smashed to bits.
i'm terrified because i have nothing in my head. i have not read enough. i've only been coddled and told that i should always speak in the first person; told to continue to produce..even and especially while feul continued to run low.
and just what would i be able to save in case of the worst? in case the wild winds of a tornado come crashing and tearing out our lives?! well books, photos, clothing, towels, menstruation pads, knives, matches, radio, phone, canned goods, my glasses, some wine (for medicinal purposes).
and now.. the magic of sleep to make the day, which is not yet dry on my pant legs, go away.
stormy weather blues sing with me so late into the waving dark.
00:19 - Wednesday, Feb. 23, 2005
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