this is only an update and i shall try to go backward into this day which is like any ordinary day since this temporary state of no work and no school have come to be.
i have developed a kink in my neck.
woke to a t-mobile situation that i had to sort through because staying connected has become so important. made the necessary phone call, spoke to a representative, went through the usual song and dance.
proceeded to do the online rounds of email and journal reading. my patience, however, couldn't be buggered. stood up (by the way i'm obsessed with my lower back and the intermittent pains there. consequently standing has become much more important to me) and strolled over to the kitchen. made a mushroom omelette (sp?) and ate the whole thing up with two pieces of small corn tortillas. mmmm. bad for my body but satisfying to my stomach and my nerves.
i tell myself, just eat something
directly after a tall glass of water i sat down with a pile of reading. the (selected) love letters of mark twain; hemingways first forty some odd short pieces of fiction (including the short and happy life of francis maccomber); some collected stories of thomas mann.
read for a little more than an hour. the quiet and the peace was perfection, though unsustainable. is that a word? i won't even bother.
became side-tracked by a movie on teevee. watched the movie to the end and didn't cry. something felt odd about the movie because i felt a void. yawned, stood up, stretched and made my way back into the bedroom.
fast forward slightly, through the shower and the getting ready, because the process of leaving isn't interesting at all.
retrieved the much needed, though not really used, house key (which i've now forgotten to return to its rightful owner) from charles. realized, while en route to the haus, that i'd forgotten my wallet and license--giving me two reasons to worry. decided against going back the way i came to get said wallet because there wouldn't be enough time, i thought. made my way to the haus (did i mention i just wish i had a copy of the key already? although that would just be presumptuous i think). discovered the infamous green sedan. gasp and calamity, right? well, no, not really.
i text messaged my anxiety and my questions to the necessary characters. then i waited for the delivery of the child in front of the haus. i waited for more than half an hour. it was quite a wait. i snapped camera-phone images of pixle (or is it pixel?) in the driveway, the sun and the clouds above the street. my waiting was finally rewarded when i saw the bus come to a slow stop and the child exit with bewildered expression.
questioning the child briefly i discovered that she was indeed tired and had no desire to be anywhere but home. so, nervously, i unlocked the front door with the key i was given. immediately the child's shoes came off at the top of the hall. quickly scanning the living room the child quickly discovered that her sisters were nowhere in sight. once again i suggested a visit to the bathroom. she smiled when i took her hand and allowed me to lead her. patiently she washed her hands, looking at me. willingly she blew her nose for me--in some cases, clear passages mean more than a lot of things. she then attempted escape and succeeded. she made it to the driveway and also managed to give me a mild attack as for thoughts of the street that lay beyond that driveway.
words of reprimand were quickly and calmly extolled (extolled?). the child was soon again back to smiling and asking her questions as to the where-abouts of charles and certain others that have come to represent home.
after making explanations and turning down the windows i drove in the direction of hope and answers, searching for the sisters.
the child was psychic, hungry and sleepy--the last two, of course, were admissions while the former was/is more of an estimation on my part. but she did display a mild psychic ability in knowing where charles, and told me so, even though i remained skeptical and insistent--like all grown people can be.
finally, connection and reunion went smack!
with a bit of deliberation we three decided on lolitas for a snacking sustenance. while there we were met, quite by chance, by the newlyweds sergio and patty. we had chats whilst consuming food paid for (thankfully and mercifully) by charles.
we ate, we exchanged such a splendid conversation. we finished and made a quick break to deliver the child to the sitter. charles and i spoke briefly in the car on the way back to her ride.
she was on her way to meet with old friends, she was on a schedule (once again). but before flying off she made mention of baking, of cookies. i accepted and made my way, with the light of a setting sun, back to homebase. music playing all the while. a cd compilation that the child chose before she left to the sitter. a song came on that i hadn't heard in quite a long time. track thirteen on a cd with my name as its name. track thirteen. i don't know the title or the artist singing the song, only the lyrics which come home to me as a message from two or three years since.
he was beautiful
beautiful to my eyes..
from the moment
i saw him,
sun filled the skies.
he was so, so beautiful.
beautiful, just to hold.
in my dreams he was springtime,
winter was cold.
how could i tell him?
what i so clearly could see?
though i longed for him another
trusted me completely so i never could be free.
then, here, guitars move slowly in with the melody
ah but it was beautiful
knowing now that he cared.
i will always
re mem ber
times that we shared.
now its all over,
still the feelings linger on.
for my dream keeps returning
now that he's gone.
for it was beautiful,
beautiful,
beautiful to
be loved.
the day made its way to dusk and now, the evening and the beautiful release of some memory from a long ago day gone crisp in the breezes of night.
and i think i will make a drive to the watch the water now. plainly, my mood calls for that certain solitude.... daring myself out there, far out there. and though i have very little ends, i do have the ends to meet this longing to be folded in again
hours later i find myself, still here, in a bad mood because i can't find the song whose lyrics i've posted above. i'm so frustrated. frustrated with all of these things that i've allowed to get under my skin.
21:46 - Thursday, Apr. 28, 2005
Recent entries:
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newlife.html">begin at the beginning. - 10 April 2008
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